Coffee Talk #182: The Power of Authenticity

It’s Tuesday! Grab your cup and let’s start chattin’.

What happens when people stop being polite and start getting REAL? – my favorite 90s show – REAL WORLD.

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you that I’ve been thinking A LOT about this catchphrase. I used to STRIVE to be called ‘nice’ but then something clicked–I don’t want to be known as nice. Nice to me means no boundaries. Nice means push-over.  I want to be known as REAL.

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you that we’re on day 902348 of quarantine and people have started getting REAL. People are shedding their protected exteriors and showing their true colors. Actually, I think I’ve seen that for a few weeks in some people — being at home full-time and not being tech savvy has really shaken some people to the core. Not everyone is equipped to work at home. Not everyone has a lovely home life. Not everyone likes the person/people in their home. We’re getting to see each other in real, raw form.

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you that I’m enjoying getting to see this side of people. I’m learning so much about working with others and I even get to see a different side of my clients. We’re literally gazing into each other’s homes and personal lives every time we connect in a Zoom session. I’ve been pretty connected to people for work and fitness, but I know that for some, this is the only interaction they have with the outside world each day or week.

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you that this is a great time to evaluate and re-evaluate what you do each day. I don’t mean for this to be an overwhelming task, but more of an adventure. What can you do to be more REAL and speak your TRUTH? If you could make a change, would you? If you could change where you live, where you work, because of what you know from this pandemic, would you? What if I told you that you…can?

If we were having coffee together today, I’d share a secret to success. The moment I started doing this, I found things just ‘worked out’ in my favor. I found that more of what I wanted to happen…happened, and it only continues to improve. What is it? BEING REAL.

That’s it! Being real. Be you. Be authentic. Instead of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, create your own. Instead of wondering ‘what if’ DO the thing. Instead of imagining the life of an influencer/celebrity/Jolene down the street…curate the life you want to live.

This is POWERFUL stuff and not for the faint of heart. If you’re still reading, this is for you. Some of this awakening has been shaken by my recent Yoga Teacher Training experience (which I think everyone should have to do — it’s a work-in and forces you to sit with yourself and be uncomfortable in order to meet yourself as you are). Some of this came when I rattled my world and quit my job of 10 years based on a gut feeling (without another job lined up). But all of it has been inside me since day one. And it’s in you, too.

A magical shift has occurred during this quarantine. There is power in pause. There is opportunity in uncertainty. All of it boils down to understanding who you are and what you want most. The forced change in routine and schedules can even help bring clarity to who you aren’t and what you don’t want.

I’m a truth-seeker and system challenger by nature. I don’t go with the flow and I certainly move to the beat of my own drum. I don’t intend to live a life prescribed by someone else. This confidence scares people and has forced me to make changes (and even to let go of people), but I own and accept it to be mine.

Understanding who you are and owning YOU can be powerful and life changing. If you’re ready for this or in need of this, I have some tips and tools for you. It starts with becoming authentic. Authenticity is staying true to you and what you believe. This can be the first hurdle to becoming more authentic — we first have to understand our truth and what we believe.

5 Steps to Become More Authentic

1. Be you, always. Treat ‘home life’ and ‘work life’ as you. Don’t flip a switch when you get home, or vice versa. Work to be you at both locations. Not possible? You’re in the wrong workplace. Find a workplace that allows you to be who you are and gives you freedom to explore and create your own workflow. Doesn’t exist? Build it. I started teaching group fitness 12 years ago without a clue or a roadmap. I’ve built it beyond measure today and it keeps growing and expanding in unimaginable ways.

2. Observe yourself. Rather than searching within, we try to mimic or match what ‘authentic’ means to others. Stop it. Ask yourself these questions: Where and when do I feel the need to be fake? What do I truly value (me, not what I’m told to value)? Don’t pass judgement, just notice. Write it down. Keep a daily journal if you don’t already do so. Read more – I started with The Four Agreements, read Why Not Me?, then Big Magic and Originals is my next read, to name a few. Don’t like to read? Check out a podcast – listen to one during a nice walk around the neighborhood. I recommend RISE, Magic Lessons, Happier, and the High-Vibe Lounge podcast (some of these do not have new episodes, but the ones they recorded are gold).

3. Embrace vulnerability. This one is tough for me. I often equate vulnerability with weakness, but I’m slowly getting over it. I’ve become more real and raw and vulnerable and I have seen positive outcomes as a result. Being vulnerable (and thus, more authentic) doesn’t mean you think you’re flawless, it means that you embrace the flaws and mistakes and even allow others to see them. Ask yourself this question: What happens if I live more of my truth? What do I lose? What do I gain?

I think authenticity is tied to confidence and being comfortable in your skin. What can you do to become more comfortable with yourself?

Here’s a quick exercise: on a piece of paper (or computer screen, or your phone), map out your perfect day. Include all the details from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. What do you do? Where do you live? Who do you see? Once you finish, compare that perfect day to your current life and note the differences. What’s stopping you from living the perfect day? Can you make some changes to make that perfect day happen?

4. Practice meditation and/or yoga. These practices work you from the inside out. When you sit in meditation or work through poses in a yoga class, you get uncomfortable. And then you sit in your discomfort. I’ve learned so much about myself from regular yoga practice. I even wrote about what yoga taught me. There’s power in stillness and also power in moving the body with intention.

5. Make telling the truth a habit. Note: there is a fine line between being rude and being real. I walk that line constantly. But I find when I’m honest, people either remove themselves from me (sometimes for the best) or respect me more. If I don’t like something, I let people know. Related, if I really like something, I let that be known, too. Telling the truth doesn’t always have to be negative. Little fibs or lies will eat away at you and stop you from being true to yourself. If you are able to lie to others, what lies are you telling yourself?

Bonus: recognize that this takes time, and often requires small steps. It can be uncomfortable to speak your truth, at first. It becomes easier over time. You have to constantly observe yourself and answer tough questions, like the ones I posed above. A lot of these questions can only be answered by you, because only YOU know your truth.

Let’s come out of this quarantine as REAL and RAW and speaking our TRUTH.