Coffee Talk #218: Don’t Take Anything Personally

Grab a cup and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee together this week, I’d tell you that it’s the second
week of a series on Coffee Talk. We’re diving into The Four Agreements, tackling one agreement each week.

This week, we’re taking a deep dive into The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally.

There are two important messages to take away from this agreement

1. Nothing other people do is because of me
2. Words do not affect me because I know who I am

What can you control? Really, what can YOU control?

Just you. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are responsible for you.

Knowing this undeniable truth, how can we give any energy to the poison inflicted on us by others? If you are responsible for you, then I am responsible for me, and she is responsible for her, and so on.

If someone says something unkind about you, or even TO you, that’s their
business. It has nothing to do with you. It is because of them. It could be
their reaction to you, their revenge of something you did, but it
is never BECAUSE of you. All people live in their own minds, their own dreams, their own fantasies. Other people literally don’t think about you at all, even when they are looking directly at you.

Humans are selfish – and I do not think this is a bad thing. I think we have
to look out for ourselves first, understand that we can only control ourselves, and that will enable us to be helpful to others. But being selfish means that we see things from our own perspective, and we make everything about us first, leaving little to no time to worry about the thoughts of others.

We are all working through the perspective of our own unique experiences. My perspective is different than your perspective, and while we may share
connections, your actions, thoughts, and words are not about me.

If someone does something that irks you, or copies you, or says something
unkind, it’s not about you. When you take a moment to accept that they are thinking first about themselves, you are free.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes from not taking anything
personally. You become immune to the poison, to the black magic. The whole WORLD could gossip about you and it doesn’t matter. It takes some work, but ultimately, we should not let other people’s comments, actions, attitudes, opinions, or choices affect how we feel about ourselves or our lives.

This can be easier said than done. It’s easy to fall into reactions like

• What did I do?
• Are they doing this on purpose?
• Why don’t I belong?
• Are they mad at me?
• Did I stumble into some bad lighting?

But the reality is that those words or actions, that poison, shared by someone else was ultimately not about you. It’s about them. Always.

Whatever people do, feel, think, or say–don’t take it personally. You know you are wonderful. You know your worth. Don’t take anything personally.