CTT #140: How to be More Confident

It’s Tuesday! Grab your cup and let’s start chattin’.

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you that I got to have IRL coffee with a fellow fit friend today. Coffee dates are the best! I love these check-ins, especially being able to talk to someone who has a similar outlook and wants to work hard and live their dreams. It’s refreshing. I highly recommend making things like this a priority!

If we were having coffee together today, I’d tell you a story about an encounter I experienced last week. It’s actually the reason for today’s post (and today’s live coffee chat). I visited a local mailing facility, and was waiting to drop off packages. While I was waiting, with three others, a man walked in with 4 manila folders. As soon as he made it to the desk, he proclaimed loudly “I have 4 documents. I need 4 copies of each, front and back.” All the (women) in line just looked at him, astonished. He did not see the need to wait in line, wait his turn. He knew what he needed, he wanted it done now, and he did not even care to notice that there were 4 others in front of him. Maybe that’s borderline cocky, but I really admired his confidence. Me? I patiently and quietly wait in line until it is my turn.

That got me thinking — are there things we can do each day, or work toward each day, to have more confidence like that fella? So, here’s a list of ways I think we can be more confident:

5 Ways to be More Confident

1. Ears over shoulders. Stand tall. Shifting your posture can automatically make you appear more confident. This tiny shift (which I learned from barre training), makes SO much of a difference in your mood and outlook. When I stand like I do in barre, I get more positive attention, and honestly fewer people bump into me.

2. Call people out when they hurt you. This borders with being assertive. This is hard for me. I’ve gotten better at it, but the really hard thing is not being mean back to someone who is mean to you. It’s easy to reflect someone else’s behavior. It’s harder to compose yourself and stand your ground, staying positive. I’ve gotten better at saying “that thing you said/did hurt my feelings.” Ugh, typing that is even hard. But this one is ESSENTIAL to developing your boundaries and teaching people how to treat you.

3. Be vulnerable. It’s ok to have flaws; that’s what makes us human. It’s ok to make mistakes, that also makes us human. This is my HARDEST obstacle toward daily confidence. I like appearing as an authority, which is good for business. But when I don’t know something? My new response is “that’s a GREAT question, I will look it up and get back to you.” I’m learning that showing my learning process is actually more helpful for my clients than just knowing “it all.” It greatly reduces stress, too, being ok with not knowing everything.

4. Focus on you. Comparison is the thief of joy, or in this case, confidence. I love, love, love social media and let me share one thing I did that CHANGED how I use it. I only follow positive people (ok, and the Kardashians, but they are pretty freakin’ confident so this is ok). I stopped following anyone or anything that made me feel badly about myself. Now, when I open instagram, it’s filled with positive thoughts, affirmations, fitness, puppies, and love. Gone are the days of scrolling, comparing, and feeling badly.

5. Acquire new skills. Don’t be afraid to learn, to grow, to try something new. I love taking new fitness classes, because I learn something new each time. It makes me a better person, and a better instructor. It’s also helpful to be the “newbie” in class, so I can help those new to my classes — it helps put me in their shoes. I’m contemplating starting a new “Try it Fit” section of this blog — would you read my experiences?

What would you add to this list? Do you struggle with confidence? How can we help each other?